Feeling a bit sick now

Canada has hit me in a bad way now. I can't thikn about the positive parts because I am so worried about money. I can't afford much food at the minuet, I bought out-of-date-cheap stuff from the supermarket for tea this afternoon. I then walked around Waitrose pretending to shop, because it makes me feel rich and happy, seeing the well-off people buying orgainic palice for supper and thinking, 'it I do well, that will be me soon'. Problem is, it's not 'soon' yet. I have to somehow find $1000 CAD to take with me to Canada, that's all my savings and more, much more.

Even worse, I have a £420 gas and elect bill to pay, we pay every 3 months and the company did not tell us they were estimating bills, so now they've hit us with all the extras we owe them and they want it by today. I did not make it to the bank in time this afternoon. We'll probably get one of those angry red bills through the post tomorrow (I think they send them out early in expectation) and I'll go out and give away more than half a month's income in less than five minuets. I know I've got to pay my bills, I just whish they weren't so much!

If I'm still poor by the time I'm thirty, I'm going to get rich with the worms, 6'' underground instead of 6'' into my overdraft...

Caaaanada!

I'm about to go to Canada. Soon. Being an organised person, I'm beginning to worry about the fact that I have not packed, and that I do not seem t know anything about my flight tickets (is that 3 page document my ticket? What's the flight intenererery about?) and I still don't feel like I'm actually going. I can't afford clothes, I can't afford immigration (150 CAD), I'm ging to arrive in a strange country, hundreds of miles from home with no money and no friends. And I still don't feel like I'm actually doing this.

I should explain, I'm going to be an art teacher in a Canadian summer camp, I'm really excited, but I'm a bit worried as I don't feel good enough for the job. My Aunite's an art teacher, (she and my uncle have an amazing little shop on the top of a hill, and people just drop in and paint bird houses my uncle carves and make christmas tree decorations, it's amazing) and she has been helping me work on project ideas that I can do with the kids; I'm feeling a little better now we've worked on this together, but still not confident.

I've also got to find funds to somehow buy course books for next year (I study English Lit), I want to take a few to get started on while I'm there. Aaaaand, I'm working on my piece for thi s year's Aesthetica magazing completition (http://www.aestheticamagazine.com/) I'm doing a short prose piece about a guy who finds a woman in his bath tub. I'm borrowing Murakami's way of writing as if describing a film as it's being played to us, but I've just read Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, and I think his influence is seeping in there a little bit too. I'll probably post it soon if you fancy a read.

P.S. Pictures are of some projects I might do in Canada!
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